Road to freedom

“ We walked for many months. I can’t remember how long, but it was a long time. My younger sister fell sick and died on the way. I remember my mother crying for days. I think she cried for the whole journey. Was so used to her crying that I couldn’t remember being happy.”

Shakiba was 12 when she and her family left their village outside Jalalabad in northern Afghanistan two and a half years ago. Today, she and her family live at subsistance level in a straw-built house with no water, electricity or drainage facilities in the Pujab in Pakistan. The family has no rights and no citizenship in Pakistan, their house is built illegally on private land. To escape the hardship of refugee camps, they sacrificed all rights in order to slip quietly into the interior of the country to live with Shakiba’s uncle, an Afghan refuge who made Pakistan his home eight years earlier. Shakiba considers herself lucky.
“I remember life in Afghanistan being fun when I was small. But in the refuge camp we were are all very unhappy.It’s better here, my father says that we may not be able to stay here. I hope he’s wrong.”

Shkiba has happy childhood memories of life on her father’s farm in Afghanistan, but her mother, Mariam bursts into tears when asked to describe what life was like and why and how the family left Afghanistan. Between tears, Mriam tells her tale, “ We were farmers. We wern’t rich but we had a good life. My children went to school until the Taliban took over in 1996. Then I was frightened. When they came to the village we would hide in the houses and we could not work in the fields. Life was harder than before.Our crops were destroyed and the fround was burned. When winter came we had no food and no money. We sold what we could buy food but it was not enough so my husband, Omar, said we had to leave to go to his brother in Pakistan.

“My brother gave us two donkeys and we started our journey to Pakistan. I was sad to leave my home and frightened of long journey. We had to travel on small tracks, as Omar said bandits hid on the highway with snakes and scorpions and would rob us when we passed.

“The men and older children walked amd my sister (Mariam refers to Omar’s second wife, Nazaneen, as her sister) and I rode on the donkeys holding the children. Nazaneen was pregnant and we were frightened that the baby would come while we were travelling.I kept asking Omar how long it would take to get to Pakistan but he just said it was a long way and we must keep walking.I was strong but I was terrified for Nazaneen.She was very sick and weak and every day I feared she would die.”

Mariam’s fear but all came true when Nazaneen went into prematurely several weeks into the journey. The baby was still born and the birth left Nazaneen fighting for life in the Hindu Kush.

“My sister was dying I was sure of it,” said Mariarm. “The baby was a long time coming. We had only one tent so the men and children slept outside while Shakiba and I helped Nazaneen. After the baby came Nazaneen was too weak to lift her head. We gave her water from melted snow and prayed for her life. She said she wanted to die as her baby had done. It was thje beginning of winter and I feared we would freeze to death.”

With winter upon them, the famil’s plight was dire and Mariam was under enormous presure from Omar to continue with the journey. “ Omar told me we must keep walking. But I knew Nazaneen would die if we moved her. I decided that, if he made us move he should take the children and I would stay with my sister. If she was to die I would die with her, but I would not leave her.”

It was Nazaneen’s eldest son, 12 year-old Abdullah, who persuaded his father to wait until his mother was fit to travel.”Abdullah is a good boy who loves his mother. He talked to his father and said he would stay with us to care for us. Omar was very angry, as Abdullah was strong and would be able to work to earn money in Pakistan. But Abdullah was brave and even when his father beat him he refused to leave us. Omar would not leave Abdullah so we all had to wait until Nazaneen was strong enough to sit on thr donkey.”

Mariam was unsure how long the family had to stay in the mountain pass. At that time it seemed like eternity. “I did not belive we would ever get out. Every day we had less food. I made bread and gave it to the boys to eat. In Afghanistan the eat first and then we women eat what is left over. There was not enough left for us all to eat so I gave what there was to Nazaneen to make her strong. Often I did not eat for many days.

“After many nights Nazneen said we must travel-that we shold leave her. Omar would not wait any longer but still Nazaneen could not ride the donkey. We made a bed from our tent and the donkey pulled her, but when the ground was steep we carried her. Abdullah helped us but Omar said if she was too weak to ride the donkey she was too weak to ride the donkey she must be left. That night I prayed that we should all die so Nazaneen would not be alone.”

Unbeknown to Mariam at that time the journey was nearly over. The comparative safety of Pakistan lay beyond just one more mountain range. But, before the family reached the boder, tragedy stuck again when Mariam’s youngest daughter, three year old Najma, fell ill. “ I truly thought my heart would break when Najma became sick,” said Mriam. “She had been so brave for so long and walked for many hours each day. Shakiba would carry her as much as she could but Najma wanted towalk to show she was strong. She had a fever and was sick for three days. Omar said we could not stop. As winter wasgetting worse, so we kept walking. Najma died in my arms as walked. I think she died to save me so I should not have to carry her anymore.

Shakib and I scraped the snow from rocks and burried her under the snow. If Omar had not pulled me away I would havestayed there to die with her. I did not want to go to Pakistan anymore. I dreamed that we had never left our farm and that our children were alive.”

Sanctuary in form of the Pakistan boder loomed in the distance. The journey was over – or so Mariam thought. “When we arrived in Pakistan we went to a camp in Peshawar. I thought there would be food and safety but they’re not enough tents. Many were sick and we could get food once a day. We stayed for many months and every day I prayed that a miracle would happen and we could go home to Afghanistan. When Omar said we were leaving I thought we were going home. I was terrified of the journey but it would have been worth it to see my farm again.
Then Omar told me we were going to leave the camp and go further into Pakistan to find his brother. I cried and cried. But he said Shakiba would be able to go to school so I agreed to go. We had sold our donkeys so we had to walk. Nazaneen was still very week and I was fearfull for her.”

Mariam dose not remember much of the journey across Pakistan as she became sick shortly leving Peshawar. Her daughter, Shakiba, describes the journey as best as she can.

“My mother was sick and so my father had to pay a, man to take us on his camel cart. It was better than walking but I was scared for my mother as the cart was high. The small children fell off sometimes. But the weather was good and I was not frightened like I was in the mountains.”

The journey took several weeks and finding Omar’s brother was not easy.

Afghan refugee communities pepper the Punjab and there was no means of finding out exactly where the rest of the family had settled. “My father had been told in the camp that my uncle had a house near a village ouside a place called Jauhaurbad. But we could not find it at first. We camped in the fields for months and weeks, moving all the time. I thought my mother would die. My father worked sometimes at brickfields and one day a man there told him where his brother was. It wasn’t far. I thiunk that was the happiest day ever. I tried to tell my mother but she had a fecer and couldn’t understand me.”

Mariam survived the journey and recovered from her fever. The famil still lives with Omar’s brother. Sahib was married to one of his son. Nazarene has not had any more children since her stillbirth in the mountains. Omar says he will now take a third wife because Nazarene is barren.
Mriam gave birth to her ninth child and has been plagued by ilness on and off ever since. Sahib never achived her dream of going to school as she has to care of her own son and her mother’s new baby.


Billy Ahmed
Columnist & Web Researcher
The Writing table